


Doodle

by TransLunar



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Female Pidge | Katie Holt, Korean/Japanese Keith, M/M, Trans Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2018-12-16 11:08:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11827485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransLunar/pseuds/TransLunar
Summary: Kind of your standard soulmate AU where what you write on your skin shows up on your soulmate's skin. It doesn't last in this one, and once you wash it off, it washes off of your soulmate as well.While this mechanic is a constant in this fic, it is NOT the focus. That focus is on Keith being trans and his own journey with himself and his relationship with Lance.





	1. red

**Author's Note:**

> First 2 chapters are first-person, then once they meet, it switches to third.
> 
> Lance's writings are italicized. Keith's are bolded.

I never really understood everyone’s fascination with their soulmates. I seemed to be the only one who was slightly afraid of theirs. Someone I most likely didn’t even know yet was connected to me by an invisible force that could never be broken. And people resigned themselves to it happily. But it made me feel trapped. Then again, what _didn’t_ make me feel trapped?

When I was fifteen, the first marking appeared. It was a simple thing: ‘no bus after school, call mom’. My soul mate, whoever they were, used their hand to remind themselves of things. I stared at my hand all through my own school day. I couldn’t pin point all the different emotions that rushed through me.

I didn’t respond. I refrained from marking my own skin so that my soul mate wouldn’t know our connection had begun. I had convinced myself that I couldn’t handle the responsibility of someone else when I didn’t know how to deal with myself yet. I didn’t even know how to introduce myself. Not just from an ‘I-don’t-know-what-to-say’ standpoint, but I didn’t even know what name to give. I hadn’t figured out who I was at fifteen years old. All I knew was what I wasn’t.

As I got older, my soulmate became curious. They asked questions and told about themselves, wondering if they had made a connection yet. And I continued to refrain from answering. At this point, I knew more about myself, but by the time I knew that, I’d had time to dwell on things I had already learned about my soul mate.

They were curious but also very forgetful, if the number of reminders on their hand was anything to go by. The most worrying thing for me was the references. Bible references. Every week or two, always on a Sunday, a shorthand Bible reference was scrawled on the inside of my left wrist. The first one I wasn’t sure what it was, so I searched it on the Internet. I stopped looking them up after that.

My soulmate was religious. And this scared me more than the realization that I cared. I cared about what my soul mate thought of me. The little reminders and references had begun to feel like a conversation by the time I was seventeen, even though I had never responded. It almost felt like I could watch them in small glimpses, because the more rushed scribblings made my own heart pound with the urgency of time. The slower doodles made me almost drowsy as I watched them scrawl over my hand and even up my arm sometimes.

By the time I thought I might be ready to write back, I wasn’t as opposed to the notion of a soulmate as I had been. I was still terrified, because I didn’t know what he was like (I certainly hoped it was a guy, because I was fairly certain I liked guys by that point). The religion thing was my biggest hurdle, but the decrease in Bible references as we got older was a little encouraging, if it meant he was going to church less or cared less. It could just be a case of him bringing a notebook to write on, so my anxiety wasn’t completely gone. The point is, I was less scared of finding my soulmate and more nervous about the inevitability of it. It was sort of comforting to know that _someone_ could love me. I just didn’t know if he might think our differences were worth it.

My first night at college was the first time I wrote back. I was a nervous wreck and couldn’t figure out why. I had pulled my hair up away from my face and was sitting on the floor with my back against my bed, going over the next day’s schedule again and again. It was an accident, really. I was transporting my paper schedule onto a large marker board to hang by my desk and upon opening the marker, it drew a small red line on my finger. I hurried to wipe it off as my heart nearly beat out of my chest as I stared at my hand in some sort of sick anticipation.

Just when I had begun to think maybe it had gone unnoticed by my soulmate (it was rather late at night), my heart stuttered again as blue lines slowly began to appear on the back of my hand.

 

> _Hello_

I swore under my breath.

 

> _R U rlly there?_

I frowned.

 

> _Please_

I didn’t know what to say. I gripped the marker board tight.

 

> _If UR there pls just let me know. I can’t stand thinking I’m meant to be alone for much longer_

I could feel it. The sadness. I shouted and tossed the marker board across the room and watched it clatter to the floor. I was such a _jackass_. I held the maker over my hand but couldn’t seem to bring it to touch my skin.

 

> _Do u even speak English? ¿Hola? ¿Hablas español?_

I could tell. They were feeling resigned, like they had given up and weren’t even expecting a reply. It shouldn’t have hurt so much. So I took a deep breath and wrote for the first time.

 

> **Hi**
> 
> _OMG R U REAL?_

I almost felt the chuckle form in my throat. Almost.

 

> **I think so**
> 
> _Well what took u so long to answer me? R u super young or sth?_
> 
> **Hold on, I’m moving to my leg so I have more room.**
> 
> _OK gimme a min_

A couple minutes later:

 

> _OK_

I began writing on the top of my foot, suddenly nervous about running out of space to write. Three years of unspoken feelings were itching in my fingers.


	2. blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance's POV

I was playing video games with my friend Pidge at an end-of-the-summer party when I felt it. At this time of night it was just us and Hunk, though he was asleep on the Lay-Z-Boy snoring while I had my ass handed to me at Mario Cart as we procrastinated and prepared for the first day of school by planning to be totally sleep deprived. Pidge lived near campus so Hunk and I were spending our time there instead of in the dorms until we absolutely had to. Right as I got hit by a blue shell, I didn’t even swear because I could feel the tingling on my hand.

“Whoa hold up, turn on the light! Right now, you little gremlin, this is important!”

Pidge grumbled as she fumbled over the couch to the lamp and turned it on, providing more accurate light in addition to the television screen. My eyes were glued on my pointer finger and now I could see a smudge. I smacked Pidge’s arm.

“Pidge! Pidge look!”

“What did you do to your finger?”

“Nothing! I think it’s ink! I think it was my soulmate!”

Pidge looked at me with pity. I’d had false alarms before. “It looks like you scraped your finger and it’s irritated.”

“Well let me at least find out. Get me a fucking pen!”

By this point Hunk had woken up, grumbling about pizza. Pidge handed me a pen and I yanked the cap off with my teeth and scribbled onto the back of my hand.

 

> _Hello_

After a few seconds of silence, I tried again.

 

> _RU really there?_

Again nothing.

“Lance, come on.” Pidge laid a hand on my shoulder.

 

> _Please_

I wrote, biting on my lip. Please don’t let it be another false alarm, I prayed.

“Lance, let’s play something else. I’ll let you try the new Assassin’s Creed. I haven’t even opened it yet.” Pity. Pidge was trying to help in her own way. She’d seen me spend hours staring at my hand waiting for a reply that wouldn’t come.

 

> _If ur there pls just let me know. I can’t stand thinking I’m meant to be alone for much longer_

“Maybe your soul mate is foreign,” said Hunk, catching onto the situation as he grabbed stale pizza that had been left out on the counter to eat some more. “They might not speak English.”

“Good idea, Hunk,” I said, even though pretty much _everyone_ knew what “Hi” and “hello” meant and would at least respond somehow, but I wrote again to humor him, already feeling myself giving up.

 

> _Do u even speak English? ¿Hola? ¿Hablas español?_

There was another moment of quiet and I sighed, capping the pen, and had just handed it back to Pidge when I felt it. I stood up and gaped at my skin as I saw the ink show up, slow, almost uncertain.

 

> **Hi**

I think I squeaked.

“DO YOU SEE THIS?” I shoved my hand in Pidge’s face, then Hunk’s. “AM I GOING CRAZY? IS IT REAL?”

“YES it’s real, Lance!” Pidge said and laughed, throwing the pen back at my face. “Now respond, you butt head!”

 

> _OMG R U REAL?_
> 
> **I think so**

I settled up onto the couch with my hand close to my face, ready for a LONG conversation.

 

> _Well what took u so long to answer me? R u super young or something?_
> 
> **Hold on, I’m moving to my leg so I have more room.**
> 
> _OK gimme a min_

“Gotta go, guys, I’ll see you in the morning,” I said and excused myself with my pen into the room I’d be sleeping in. Pidge’s brother was already off at college so I got his room while Hunk got the guest room. I shucked off my pants and settled into the bed with my legs up in front of me. I wrote on my hand again.

 

> _OK_

The next ink showed up on the top of my right foot.

 

> **I didn’t answer bc I was scared**

They weren’t kidding. I could practically feel their jitters.

 

> _Scared? How long has there been connection?_
> 
> **3 yrs**

Three years?!

 

> _Holy shit_
> 
> **I’m sorry**
> 
> _What the hell have you been so scared of that it took you 3 years?_
> 
> **At first I just felt incompetent. Then I was scared you wouldn’t like me.**
> 
> _I can understand the incompetent part. 3 yrs? I was a little shit back then. But y wouldn’t I like u? Ur my soulmate_

There was hesitation.

 

> **You go to church?**
> 
> _?? Oh. My reference reminders. Yeah my family is Catholic._
> 
> **What about you?**
> 
> _I’m considerably less Catholic lol why? Ur not like a serial killer or sth r u?_
> 
> **No. Are you a boy or a girl?**
> 
> _Oh shit I didn’t even say, did I? I’m a boy. My name is Lance_
> 
> **Keith**

I let myself whisper the name a couple times. Keith. Keith. _Keith._ Then it hit me why he might be scared.

 

> _Were u scared it might be a gay thing & that I wouldn’t like you bc of that? Bc I’m totally bi anyways, & my family knows that, so… _
> 
> **It’s not that.**
> 
> _It’s not like they could argue against our connection anyways._
> 
> **I’m transgender.**

I frowned in thought. Transgender was when you want to get a sex change, right? For being in the LGBT community, I was really out of the loop.

 

> _I kinda know what that is, but u might have to specify some things for me._
> 
> **You’re not like grossed out?**
> 
> _What? No, not really. U might have to guide me through a lot though. I can be kind of stupid about common sense things._
> 
> **I noticed.**
> 
> _What_
> 
> **Your reminders.**
> 
> _Ah yeah. Well, ok, so if ur name is Keith and ur trans, does that mean ur-_

I stopped and stared at my leg. I knew I should stop while I was ahead.

 

> _God I don’t want to offend u and I don’t know how to ask correctly._
> 
> **I’m female-to-male. I’m taking testosterone, it’s been almost a year and I had top surgery 3 months ago.**

Relief flooded through me. He knew what I meant to ask and met me halfway. I could already feel myself falling and we hadn’t even met. Shy and considerate. I bet he was adorable.

 

> _Oh wow congrats! Is that a thing to congratulate?_
> 
> **I would think so. Thank you. I just got my name change and legal papers changed earlier this week. Just in time for school.**
> 
> _What school do u go to?_
> 
> **Voltron University in Dallas.**

My ears rushed with my pulse and my heart felt like it was going to break my ribs.

 

> _HOLY SHIT ME TOO WHAT YEAR_
> 
> **Freshman**
> 
> _ME 2 what’s ur major?_
> 
> **Visual arts, but I’m not 100% sure if I’ll stick with it.**
> 
> _Ur an artist? Now I’m embarrassed by my stick figures I’ve unknowingly subjected u to._
> 
> **I thought they were cute.**

I was going to implode.

 

> _Can I see your work?_

There was a pause.

 

> **What should I draw?**
> 
> _Sth that’ll be noticeable if I see u walking around campus tomorrow. Use Sharpie or sth that’ll last._
> 
> **OK**

I fidgeted in my bed, waiting. I almost jumped when I felt the tingling on my neck. I needed to find a mirror. I shuffled into some pajama pants, in case Pidge’s mom decided to wander out of the master bedroom for a glass of water or something, and practically leapt into the bathroom across the hall.

I stripped out of my shirt and leaned close to the mirror, watching the lines sketch out what soon resembled a large cat. After a while it was distinctly a lion, in several colors. Its face looked actually very peaceful and serene, the mane trailing down onto my shoulder. I felt the tingling on my leg again and shifted my pants down a bit to read.

 

> **You see it?**

I was glad I’d brought the pen with me into the bathroom.

 

> _Holy shit u should go into like tattooing or sth it’s amazing_
> 
> **Thanks**
> 
> _What time do you have lunch tomorrow?_
> 
> **Like noon thirty**

I wanted to squeal. He says “noon thirty”. He has to be the cutest person on the planet.

 

> _I’ll try to find u in the dining commons. We should both probably try to sleep. It’s 4am._
> 
> **Oh shit it is. I have an 8:00.**
> 
> _Dayum son, ur gonna need so much coffee._
> 
> **You can buy me one to recharge me at lunch.**

My heart literally fluttered. He was flirting with me, right? It sure as hell felt like it.

 

> **To make up for subjecting me to your shitty stick figures for three years.**
> 
> _I feel like I should be insulted but it’s really hard to when I can’t stop smiling._
> 
> **Well… night**
> 
> _See you tomorrow, Señor Artist_

I stayed in the bathroom staring at the lion for a while longer before finally going to bed and praying it wouldn’t turn out to be a dream.


	3. gochujang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay gochujang is fucking delicious though

Needless to say, their meeting shattered some previously held notions.

Keith heard Lance before he saw him. There was a loud almost crash, except it was kind of rhythmic. A glance told him a tall tan boy was playing swords with a bigger tanner boy, using their trays as shields and cutlery as weapons. Keith was about to sigh and go back to his food when the tall one turned and he saw it. The lion. Keith’s heart skipped a beat. He watched Lance as he finally reached the front of the line and started to gather his food. He was basically showing off the artwork as often as he could. He’d worn a low-cut shirt and made sure to tilt his head a bit.

Keith’s brows knit as someone obviously asked Lance if he’d done it himself and Lance kind of puffed up proudly, announcing that his soul mate had done it. Keith felt himself turning red. Why had he agreed to do something so obvious? People were going to stare at them once they were together, possibly even ask them about it. The only reason no one asked Keith was because of his collar hiding most of it and probably his resting bitch face.

Lance had spent the majority of his morning looking up stuff about trans boys on his phone under the desk during his classes. He hoped to prepare himself so he wouldn’t insult his soul mate in their first meeting. How embarrassing would that be?

Turns out he was destined to fuck it up no matter what. As he and Hunk started looking for someone with the distinct marking on their neck (Lance expected Keith to be showing it off like himself) he caught sight of long dark hair.

“Hey, Hunk, check out mullet,” he said with a snicker.

Keith tried not to look, since he was still blushing a little, tried to focus on his plate of food, but he still looked through the corner of his eye. The boy named Hunk gave a shy smile in apology, but Lance was already moving on, searching for Keith. Keith huffed. He caught Hunk’s attention and pointed to his own neck, then made a low growl and a clawing motion, and Hunk seemed to understand.

“Oh shit,” he said and put his hand over his mouth, looking back and forth between Lance and Keith.

“What? Do you see him?” Lance asked, turning around and trying to follow Hunk’s line of sight. “You’re not flirting with Mullet are you? What would Shay say?”

“No, dude,” Hunk said, trying to warn him, but Keith had already stood, purposefully keeping the side of his neck with the lion on it hidden from their view.

“Maybe you shouldn’t insult people where they can hear you,” he said. Lance actually had the nerve to look like the one who had been offended. “ _ Lance. _ ” Lance raised an eyebrow and looked over his shoulder at Hunk.

“Did you tell Mullet my name?”

“I’m pretty sure everyone on campus knows your name by now, Lance,” Hunk said. Keith held out his free hand, the other holding his empty plate.

“Where’s the coffee you promised me?” 

Lance stared at his open hand in thought, as if trying to remember when he had ever met this person to offer him coffee. 

“Oh come on, I know you’re not that slow,  _ Señor _ .” 

Lance’s mouth opened and stayed open slightly as he stared at Keith’s face, as if wanting to deny its existence.

“No  _ way, _ ” he whispered and slowly began to walk around Keith. Sure enough eventually the lion came into view. “Oh  _ fuck. _ ”

“Yeah,” Keith said, a small incredulous smile forming on his lips. “You’re already in the dog house, buddy.” And he left to put his dishes on the conveyor belt that would take them back to the kitchen. Lance kind of hopped in place and whined at Hunk.

“Why didn’t you stop me from making an ass of myself?”

“I didn’t know until after you’d already done it!”

Lance huffed and followed Keith.

“Hey, look, uh, sorry I laughed at your mullet. It actually looks nice on you.” 

Keith turned.  “It is  _ not _ a mullet!”

“Uh, it kind of is. You have to at least admit that.” 

Keith was going back for more food and half trying to ignore Lance. He was more than irritated and he was not in the mood to break something on the first day of school. He couldn’t believe his soulmate was an arrogant prick. Let him grovel for a while.

“I don’t have to admit to anything. I’m not the giant douche bag with no filter.  _ Why _ do American kitchens never have gochujang? Even a little sriracha would be great.” It was almost time for his T shot and he was always more irritable the day or so before; even the food was irritating him.

“Gotchu-what now?” 

Keith sighed.  “Red pepper paste. I need my spice. It’ll keep me from punching you in the face.” 

Lance chuckled nervously.  “Can we get some jalapeños or something?” he asked to no one in particular. “Look, I know I can be a bit gaudy sometimes-”

“Gaudy?” Keith asked, turning around, plate now full of stir fried rice. Even when he was angry, Lance noticed he had pretty eyelashes. “You have no tact. The first thing you did was insult me. I’m surprised you aren’t beat up every day.”

“It’s because I’m generally nice,” Lance said, following as Keith tried to find another spot to sit and eat the rest of his meal.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear you say that,” Keith said, settling in next to Hunk, who had simply sat down and was already almost done with three plates. “When did you go get that?” He had distinctly had only one plate when they first met.

“While you two were bickering like an old married couple, I was eating,” Hunk said, licking his fingers of buffalo sauce. Keith kind of hunched, and Lance got the imagery of a cat with its back raised and he couldn’t help but smile. He attempted to take the seat beside Keith but it was firmly held in place. Upon closer inspection, Keith was holding the chair against the table with his foot. He looked up at Lance with a smile that was all too deadly to be sweet.

“Don’t even think about it; I’m still mad at you,” he said, but didn’t protest when Lance sat across from him instead.

“Look, how many times do I have to apologize?” he asked, plopping in his seat.

“None,” Keith said. “You have to make me genuinely like you. So far, all you’ve got going for you is you’re handsome, but you seem to know that already. Just because you’re my soulmate doesn’t mean you don’t have to work for me to like you.”

Lance pouted and grumbled under his breath in Spanish as he started stabbing at his food with his fork. Keith gave a wry chuckle and ate as well, spooning rice into his mouth.


	4. progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months into their relationship, when a lot of really important things start happening, both individually and together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of dysphoria and masturbation/porn. It's mild but it's there. And eventually this fic will live up to its M rating. Might even go up to E because I'm trash lol

> _ Ur eyes r rlly pretty _
> 
> **Really? You’re doing this now?**
> 
> _ Does it matter when all I can think about is ur eyes? _
> 
> **Stop being gross**
> 
> _ U like it _
> 
> **In your dreams**
> 
> _ How did u know? Have u been invading my dreams on purpose? _
> 
> **I don’t even want to know**
> 
> _ It’s nothing bad! Like it’s all totally G-rated I swear _
> 
> **Lance, I’m in class, pls go away**
> 
> _ OK maybe PG-13 _
> 
> **I’m gonna punch you in your pretty face, I swear**
> 
> _ With ur mouth, I hope ;) _
> 
> **With my art box**
> 
> _ No way, dude, that thing weighs more than I do! _
> 
> **Then stop incessantly flirting while I’m in class trying to draw**
> 
> _ So u agree this is flirting. Is it working? Do I get a kiss later? _
> 
> **No**
> 
> _ D: _

It had been a few months. Oddly enough, Lance and Keith didn’t behave all that differently around each other than they did when they first met, but now the calls of “Mullet” were endearing and Keith’s particular favorite thing to call Lance was “fuck face”. It’s not like Keith knew Lance would return it with a rather inappropriate remark about certain acts on his own face. It’s not like Keith purposefully fed keywords that Lance would latch onto.

Okay, Keith totally spoon fed Lance’s stupid sense of humor because he liked seeing Lance proud of himself when he thought of something he thought was particularly clever. The way his lips curled up at the edges made Keith’s heart stutter. But he would never admit it. And honestly, most of the time he did it on accident.

Lance had proven himself to be actually somewhat of a gentleman. He did his best to take care of Keith, and even just earlier that week, he’d insisted he learn how to help Keith do his injections. When he’d first asked for permission to learn, Keith had said “no” very vehemently. He didn’t want Lance anywhere near him with a needle. It had possibly just been too soon, because earlier that week, Keith had caved.

It had bruised more than usual, but it didn’t hurt any worse, and Lance was more nervous than Keith had been when he first learned. Then Lance had admitted that he just wanted to do it once, and if Keith didn’t want him to do it anymore he was okay with it. Keith kind of liked it, if he was honest with himself. He liked doing the mundane things with Lance. Those were more intimate than any kiss they’d shared. And they’d kissed a lot after the first month of knowing each other.

It was quite hilarious really. Keith had been making Lance do every little thing to try to woo him, even if he wasn’t that mad at him anymore. It was almost like training a puppy. Then one day Lance finally snapped, listing all the things he’d done for Keith, all the things he felt for Keith, and how the treatment made him feel. Keith had smiled softly and ruffled Lance’s hair like aforementioned puppy before crashing their lips together for the first time. Arms had wrapped around waists and backs had been pushed against walls feverishly. Then Keith had walked off, leaving a flustered but happy Lance behind, flashing a smile to those he passed, who looked at him funny because Keith Kogane  _ rarely _ smiled, let alone at strangers.

Things hadn’t really progressed further than that physically. It didn’t really need to just yet. But it had been on Keith’s mind. Lance was on the swim team and the baseball team and Keith had seen him shirtless on more than one occasion. But now that it was almost winter and Keith  _ still _ found himself imagining those broad shoulders, he figured something had to change soon or he’d go a little stir crazy.

He’d never really made a pastime out of sexual things like porn or masturbation, but he knew the feeling and he’d experimented with his body a little bit when his sex drive kicked in enough to take precedence over his dysphoria after a while on T. Everything had just been a little underwhelming. But with Lance around, it almost made his dysphoria worse. He’d been perfectly fine wearing a packer, finally felt like himself after all these years. But then he started to want more physical things and he just wasn’t comfortable with the parts he had been born with. But he didn’t need it for anything other than sex. He was absolutely fine with everything else. He didn’t want to say he was avoiding Lance because of it, but he felt like he might be.

> _ R u mad at me? Did I do sth? _
> 
> **What? No, why do you think that?**
> 
> _ Cuz I haven’t seen u since the shot. Did I hurt u? Was it awful? _
> 
> **No, the shot was fine. I actually wouldn’t mind if you wanted to do it again next week.**
> 
> _ Then what is it? I miss u. _
> 
> **I’m just stressed about my final project.**
> 
> _ Due tomorrow? _
> 
> **Yup**
> 
> _ If I stop bothering u so u can finish will u spend all of tomorrow with me? _
> 
> **I suppose that can be arranged.**
> 
> _ Don’t forget to eat and sleep. _  
> 
> 
> **I know**
> 
> _ I’ll remind u again at dinner time, and it doesn’t count as bothering u. _
> 
> **Yes, mom**
> 
> _ Is that like a new version of the Daddy kink? _
> 
> **LANCE**
> 
> _ Sorry. Bye. Fighting! _

Keith smiled a little at the Korean phrase of encouragement. Lance had just about flipped when he learned Keith’s family was from not only Japan (as would be suggested by his surname) but also from South Korea. His mom was Korean and his dad had been Japanese, but he died so long ago Keith couldn’t even remember him. Lance was having a field day learning some cultural things, saying he wanted to impress Keith’s family. Then Keith had to delicately inform him that there was no Korean family left to impress, as his mother had passed when he was young.

That just spurned Lance into ranting about visiting his family, so Keith could feel some sibling love, which Keith didn’t understand. But he was slowly being convinced to spend Christmas with his soulmate’s family in Florida. He called his foster parents and they were convincing him to do it, if he would bring Lance to see them at New Years. Keith was more than a little nervous about meeting Lance’s family. He talked about them a lot, and there were a lot of them. Keith wasn’t the best with names, so he was struggling to learn them on his own before the trip. They had a whole week before finals week and the dorms closing to figure it out.


	5. talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith seeks advice. Things begin to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay we're getting into the slightly more explicit sexual stuff, so if this isn't your thing, back away now. Within the next chapter or two there will be even more detail of actual sexual acts involving a female-to-male character. If you don't know what that entails you can either educate yourself on it or be pleasantly surprised haha

Keith never thought he would be asking his roommate’s girlfriend for advice. There was something about Allura that was intimidating, even though he knew she wouldn’t hurt a fly (unless it deserved it). But it was the day before he was flying to Florida with Lance, and he was on his last thread of patience and tolerance with himself. While Keith had never found it particularly easy to talk with anyone in general about personal things, it was still easier to talk with women than men. But he couldn’t trust Pidge with the kind of things he was wanting to talk about, for fairly obvious reasons: mainly being that Pidge was asexual and he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. That and she would use it as blackmail against him in the future, he was certain.

So he’d asked Shiro to see if Allura was free, so they could talk, and then his roommate made himself scarce. Shiro had always been good about giving Keith space when he needed it. If the conversation were about anything else, he would have asked Shiro to stay, purely for emotional support, but he didn’t want to subject the junior to those images, especially if he was going to ask him to be his roommate again next year. It would be too awkward.

That was how he’d found himself sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall beside Allura, a good two feet of distance between them. He had his fidget cube in hand, even though he didn’t like to use it very often (he’d gotten it in a set of two when he’d gotten one for Lance). It did help with his fidgeting, but he didn’t like people staring at it so he often left it in his room. He worried for the joystick in particular: he was pushing on it harder than he supposed was good for such cheap plastic.

He was having a hard time actually starting the conversation, starting to sweat as the minutes ticked by. Allura was calm and patient as ever, eventually placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. He jumped a little, but didn’t pull away. He’d finally stopped doing that since Lance had been hanging all over him, and Hunk liked hugs. He wasn’t as dysphoric since surgery, and he hadn’t noticed it until recently how much he actually enjoyed physical contact. So the heat of Allura’s palm through his shirt was welcome and he cleared his throat.

“So, uh… first I should probably ask just to be sure, but promise not to tell Shiro about what we talk about?” He glanced her way to see her soft smile.

“Of course,” she said. “Unless you are contemplating harm upon yourself or others, I will not speak a word.”

“Oh--no, it’s nothing like that. It’s more just really personal and awkward.”

“Well, if it is any consolation, I have probably heard it all before, and I will think of you no differently.”

“I guess that helps, yeah,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “And if it makes you uncomfortable, just let me know and I’ll just… figure it out on my own.”

“Make _me_ uncomfortable?” she asked, brows furrowing. “I doubt anything you say would make me uncomfortable.” Keith wasn’t so sure about that, but it also wasn’t like he was confessing to a crime or anything. Most people experienced at least part of what he was going through. He tried to keep a clear head.

“It’s about… sex.” He could already feel his ears turning red at just the mention of the word. Allura actually sat up straighter.

“Oh? Are you and Lance taking that step in your relationship?”

“No,” Keith interjected almost too hastily. “We’re not ready for it, at least not yet. I mean, like, I’m not opposed to the _idea._ In fact, I think about it a lot. I just… have problems with myself that I need to get over first.” Allura made a noise of understanding. Keith didn’t really know how to segue into what he wanted to ask, and the time it took him to form thoughts gave Allura time to speak up.

“So this is about masturbation.” She didn’t even ask, she just _knew._ Keith hid his face in his hands, unable to look at her, but he nodded. She began to rub his back between his shoulders. “Well, then I understand why you would want to talk to someone with similar… parts. Is that a good enough word for it?”

“Yeah,” he croaked out, resting his chin on his hands, but looking straight ahead instead of anywhere near her.

“Worry not, my dear,” she said, sounding way too… chipper… given the topic. “What sort of problems are you having? I know it can take a lot of experimentation for some people to find what they like. Don’t worry about the details, I can handle pretty much everything you throw at me.”

He huffed a little, still thinking about how to go about it.

“Well… like some things are definitely better than before I was on hormones. Like things are more sensitive and I actually have a bit of a motivation to try stuff out, but then once I get into it, it either takes so long I get bored of it or tired, or my dysphoria kicks in and just throws the fact that I don’t have a penis in my face, and that sucks the worst.” He left his initial statement at that. Allura nodded.

“Well… why not try to find ways to trick your brain into thinking you do have one?”

He shot her a look over his shoulder.

“I can’t really afford any fancy toys though.”

She shook her head.

“You don’t need toys, though some might help in the future. The brain is fairly easy to trick. You just have to be clever. And use lots and lots of lube.”

They talked for almost an hour before Shiro came back, knocking on the door and checking in on them. Then she practically whisked him away to her apartment and before Keith could process, he found himself at the airport, a small black bag stowed among his things and an almost permanent blush on his ears at the knowledge of its existence.

Lance was way too hyper for so early in the morning. Keith clutched a latte in one hand, the other laced with Lance’s and sitting atop the other’s bouncing leg. Keith wouldn’t doubt if he was dozing off every few minutes. It was only a two and a half hour flight, but in order to get cheaper tickets they’d picked the flight that left at 7am their time, and would arrive at 10:30 Florida time. Hence their pre-dawn arrival. Lance had wanted to take their time, but Keith made sure they got there forty-five minutes early like the airport had suggested, even if it meant they had to wait at the terminal.

Plus, this way he got to doze on his soulmate’s shoulder and hear his voice. He gave a small snore and a grunt as he sat up a little, feeling Lance’s face next to his. He blinked and turned.

“What?” he asked, and even he could tell his voice was groggy. He took a sip of his latte. It was lukewarm. He had half a mind to see if there was a microwave nearby, but then there were lips on his cheek and he smiled, turning to kiss Lance on the lips sleepily.

“You’re adorable.”

Keith made a noise of protest as he straightened in his seat. “‘M not. ‘M a badass.” Lance chuckled and brought their entwined hands up to his lips, just pressing Keith’s fingers against them. Keith’s heartbeat fluttered and he spent the rest of their wait staring into Lance’s eyes like the sap he was. When they started calling the passengers to be seated, he sighed and tossed his barely-touched drink in the trash.

He stretched, his back popping in more places than was probably normal, then let his arms down with a groan, fixing his shirt where it had ridden up. They didn’t have much with them as carry-ons or personal items, so they didn’t really have much to pick up once their section was called. Keith only had a book in hand, his phone and wallet in his pockets, but he honestly intended to sleep the whole time. Lance had an iPad and headphones to watch a movie he had downloaded.

They’d gotten seats towards the front with more leg room because Lance was tall and his mom had gotten him in the habit of doing it. Keith slipped into the window seat before Lance could protest. It was technically Lance’s seat, if he was going to be picky about which ticket number he was holding, but Keith planned to sleep against the wall. It also gave Lance more aisle room for his legs to stretch out, so he didn’t complain. Lance made him stay awake through take off, and he was infinitely grateful he had.

They were rising above the clouds just as the sun broke over the horizon. It honestly felt like they were flying into the sunrise. Lance teased him about not being able to see it very well because he had the aisle seat, but Keith thought it was really romantic as they both leaned to the window to see the orange light dusting over the cotton candy pink clouds.

Keith turned and kissed him as the plane leveled out and the seatbelt lights turned off, signaling the main part of the flight. Keith honestly could have spent the whole time kissing and wouldn’t have cared if people stared. But being that close to him just reminded him of his conversation with Allura and his heart started pounding. So he let them slip away from each other to their respective forms of entertainment. Keith was far too alert now to sleep, so he pretended to make headway on his book, though he didn’t read a word.

If Lance noticed that Keith had crossed his legs particularly tightly, he didn’t comment on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, if you see typos, please let me know!


	6. sapphire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day in Florida, Keith begins to be introduced to Lance's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE!

Keith stared at the little black bag next to all his stuff on the bed. He was in the guest room “getting settled in” after meeting Lance’s mom for the first time. He honestly wanted to cry when she hugged him. She’d patted his hair like his mother used to, and it just felt so nostalgic that it hurt him to his core. But in a good way. Like he was being told he could have something nice again. That had been happening a lot recently. The moment had quickly moved on when Lance started bragging about his art skills and showing her pictures on his phone. Apparently she was going to come to him for her first tattoo if he ever got certified. He wasn’t sure if he should believe her, but she sure as hell sounded sincere.

The house was fairly empty at the moment. Lance was catching up with his mom, talking rapidly in Spanish in the living room while Keith got comfortable. Lance could tell he had needed a little bit of space after the plane ride and the crowded airports, and apparently he got his perceptiveness from his mother, since she had told him where he would be staying for the first night. Nobody else was home: Lance’s father was still at work, and his siblings and their families were arriving the next day. So tonight he would be sleeping here, and then most likely moving into Lance’s room for the remainder of their stay through the holiday.

Keith stared hard at the little drawstring bag. It looked so unassuming and… normal. Yet Keith was slightly terrified to open it. He knew if he was going to try it at all on this trip, today was the day, because he could already tell that he was not going to have any privacy at all on this entire vacation. He half wondered why he decided to bring it at all, that it wouldn’t be worth the risk of someone seeing it. But he also knew himself, and he knew being around Lance so much was going to make him want to try it. He had been right about that, if the plane ride was anything to go by.

He had felt so shockingly dirty at his reaction. He really needed to do something while there were the fewest number of people in the house. But he doubted he’d be able to do anything until later tonight when he showered. Speaking of, he went to peek at the bathroom while he was left to his own devices.

“Oh, god,” he whispered to himself when he found that the shower head came off on a hose. He almost wanted it to be stuck to the wall and have low pressure, unable to be worked with, but it probably had settings too. Honestly, this shower was one of the things Allura had told him about that he actually wanted to try. The showers at the dorm wouldn’t allow for anything remotely nice feeling, purely because the pressure could barely be felt at all. So he knew he was going to be at least trying this one out every time he showered here.

He licked his lips and tore his eyes away from the shower head, slapping himself on the cheek quietly and trying to get his mind out of the gutter as best he could before joining the others on the couch.

He settled into Lance’s side, leaning his head on his shoulder. As soon as he came within earshot of them, they switched to English so he could follow, and he was grateful for the consideration.

Keith sat up straight as a rod when he saw a flicker of movement across the room. Lance turned to him, patting his leg to ask what was wrong.

“Is that a cat?”

He didn’t even wait for an answer, standing up and power walking over to the window. Lo and behold, a beautiful four-legged creature was dozing in the late morning sun behind the recliner. It blinked up at him lazily as he came over, and he returned the gesture. It purred at him and Keith almost squealed. He loved cats but he’d never been allowed to own one because his foster mom was allergic.

He felt Lance come up beside him, and his noise of curiosity told him that even Lance didn’t know there was a cat.

“Ay, Ma! What is this rat?!” he almost spat at her.

Keith smacked him on the shoulder.

“Don’t be rude! She’s precious!”

“She’s naked!”

“I can put her in a sweater,” Lance’s mom piped in.

“You are not helping, Mama. Why couldn’t you get a pretty cat?!”

“I think she’s beautiful,” Keith said, petting the sphynx on the head and loving the way she leaned into it.

“Oh, no.” Lance genuinely seemed distraught at the news of the cat, flopping onto the recliner dramatically. Keith quietly picked up the cat when she seemed okay with being touched, and held her against his chest. Her head pushed up under his chin, making him raise his head a little, and he pushed right back gently. “Oh my god, why am I jealous of a cat?”

Keith smirked at him and sat on the arm rest, holding the cat over to him. She sniffed in his face and Lance made a face.

“You know she’s cute, but you’re too scared to admit it.”

While Lance had an internal struggle, trying to tear his eyes away from the cat’s big blue ones, Keith looked at his mom.

“What’s her name?”

“Zafira.”

Lance groaned.

“What’s that mean?”

“That pretty blue stone,” she said, frowning a little. “I don’t know if I ever came across that word in English, now that I think about it.”

“Sapphire,” Lance offered, finally giving in and scratching Zafira under her chin. He sighed. “I suppose it fits, her eyes are huge and blue.”

Keith chuckled.

“Does this mean I have permission to get a wrinkly hairless cat when we can afford one?”

“No! I mean- I can’t really stop you if you buy one, but I’m not going to take care of it.”

“We’ll see how long that lasts,” Keith mused as Zafira stepped out of his hold and onto Lance’s lap, curling up on his leg, leaning against his stomach.

“Why?!”

“You’re probably the warmest person in this room,” Keith pointed out. “Hairless cats like to be warm because they get cold very easily.”

“Well no wonder she left you so quickly,” Lance teased. “Your hands are always freezing.”

Keith pouted, but didn’t deny it. It’s one of the reasons he wore gloves so often. The fingerless bit was so he could still do daily tasks.

“And you’re a furnace.”

Lance’s mother smiled at them warmly before standing.

“I need to start dinner. Lance, feel free to show Keith around. It’ll be quite a while before your father gets home. Dinner will take probably the whole time so I will be out of your way.”

“Oh, okay,” Lance said, trying and failing to find a good way to move Zafira off of his lap. Eventually, Keith had mercy and coaxed her back into her sunbathing spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all better be prepared for the next one, I'm just saying. ;)


	7. blue jolly ranchers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance's mom is the best wingman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets steamy guys. You're welcome.

Lance took him through the house, showing off the family photos hanging up around and quizzing him on his family members. Keith was pleased with himself for remembering them all.

The upstairs ended with Lance opening a door with a flourish.

“Tada!” he said and spread his arms as he stepped further into the room. “This is my room.”

Keith followed him in and looked around. It was very blue, and Keith wasn’t surprised by that; he knew it was Lance’s favorite color. But it was a very vibrant blue; the color of a blue Jolly Rancher, for some reason, was the only comparison Keith could come up with, but it worked enough for him.

The walls were covered in posters of galaxies and planets and stars, even some of astronauts and rockets. Keith skimmed through a large star chart that had constellations drawn in like a game of connect-the-dots. The ceiling held glow-in-the dark stick-on stars and planets of all colors and sizes, and the light bulb cover on the ceiling fan was the moon. Keith smiled.

“It’s so cool,” he said. “I never decorated like this.”

“Why thank you. I hung the posters myself.”

Keith laughed quietly, turning to look at his soulmate. “You should be an interior designer,” he teased, stepping closer. “Or an astronaut.”

“I think I’ll stick with astronomyy and keep my feet on solid ground,” Lance said, pulling Keith closer by the hips. “I don’t think I could stand leaving the beach. Or you.”

Keith kissed him. He couldn’t help it. Lance said the most beautiful things sometimes and Keith didn’t know how to handle how it made him feel. It’s not like Lance ever complained about his poorly-timed kisses; in fact, he was enthusiastic about them most of the time, like this time.

When Lance tried to add tongue, Keith pulled back a little.

“Can we do this with your mom downstairs?” he whispered, as if they were discussing something incredibly taboo, when honestly, his mom probably thought they were gonna do like, everything. Most people did, once they started dating their soulmate and it didn’t fall apart right away. Most parents didn’t mind as long as their kids were old enough to be safe about it, so Keith wasn’t sure why he was so worried. Maybe because she was religious? Were there ground rules?

“We’re adults,” Lance said with a chuckle, his hands sliding around Keith’s back and down to give his ass a little squeeze. Keith also gave a low chuckle at the feeling, as he always did. He didn’t know why but his body always tingled when Lance did that. “She honestly doesn’t care, and was probably purposefully giving us a big window of time to get stuff out of our system before we’re bombarded with family. Because there will be absolutely _no_ privacy once the kids get here, I can guarantee it.”

“So we’re gonna make out,” Keith sort of asked.

“Only if you want to, babe.”

Keith didn’t bother answering, just pulled Lance back down by the back of his neck and kissed him hard, bodies pressed together. Lance laughed against him and managed to shut the door behind them so they’d have at least some semblance of decency.

Things got heated like they have before, many times, behind closed doors. Hands moved under shirts and heart rates escalated, and Keith found his back against a wall. But there was a shift in things when Keith pressed forward in a way that pressed his packer up against his… He’s gonna call it his dick: another suggestion Allura gave him. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, but he’s been slightly aroused all day, and it sent a wave through his whole body. He couldn’t even describe the sound that left his mouth when it happened, but he only hesitated for a split second before moving in that way again.

“Fuck,” Lance breathed against his lips, pressing forward with his hips in response. And god damn, if that wasn’t the hottest thing Keith had ever heard and felt. Keith loved when Lance swore because of him. And in this particular instance it was because they both were feeling good and making each other feel good.

For the first time, someone other than himself was giving him that type of sensation. Their speed steadily increased, and when they couldn’t keep their lips together from the movement, they kept their faces as close as possible, foreheads leaning against each other as their breath still mingled. Keith sometimes opened his eyes to watch Lance’s face, but he also looked between them at where they were grinding.

The sight was enough to keep himself in this headspace of pleasure without anxiety, because it genuinely looked like they both had bulges. The movement coincided with his own pleasure, so even if it wasn’t directly dick on dick action, his logic, which would point out that this was indeed very indirect, was overshadowed by what he was seeing and feeling. So he stopped thinking, really. Because he was dry humping Lance.

“Fuck, Keith.” Lance sounded so broken, so wrecked. Keith might just become addicted to hearing it.

“Lance,” he whispered, not having the greatest control of his voice at the moment. “More.”

Lance sort of winced and shook his head as he croaked out, “‘m close.”

“God,” Keith said more to himself than anything. He was going to watch Lance orgasm. How could he be so close already? Keith was just getting really riled up. He gave a small whine and tried to move harder, he wanted to feel more, he wanted to feel the edge approaching like Lance did.

Lance’s voice picked up, even though he was trying to be quiet for his mother’s sake. His legs started to shake; Keith could feel it in the way he continued to press against him. Their coordination had been messed up, and Keith wasn’t getting that friction on every pass anymore and he could feel himself going back down instead of up in his intensity. It happened every time he tried to get himself off. But god damn it if he wasn’t going to make this man cum first.

He hooked his fingers in Lance’s belt loops, pulling them against each other harder, and buried his face in Lance’s neck, leaving kisses all along his collarbone, where he’s left many a hickey during the course of their relationship.

“Gonna--” was all Lance got out before his whole body shoved Keith into the wall so hard Keith almost thought he would bruise. Lance bucked into him, practically slapping him with that amazing friction to his own dick again, making him moan and thrust right back.

After a few moments, Lance went slack a little, and pulled back enough to kiss Keith hard and hot.

“Fuck. Keith,” seemed to be Lance’s entire vocabulary for a while. He eventually shook it off and experimentally rocked his hips again, wincing. “Fuck, that almost hurts. How should I get you off?”

Keith swallowed. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to. Do you want to?” He pulled back to watch Keith’s face.

“It’s not about if I want to or not,” Keith said, resting his head against the wall behind him. “I don’t think it’ll work. I haven’t been able to…” He waved his hand in the air in a vague gesture.

“Oh.” Lance licked his lips. “But do you want to try?”

“It might take a while,” Keith warned.

“I certainly don’t care,” Lance assured him. “And if my parents know anyway, which Mama does and she’s a good Mama and will wait for us to come downstairs on our own, then we technically have until the rest of the family arrives tomorrow to do what we want.”

“You sound so confident.”

“I had two older siblings go through the same exact thing. Mama was always the best wingman.”

Keith bit his lip, thinking. “I’ll be right back. Maybe sit on the bed?”

“Mind if I like, take off my pants? They’re kind of gross now. Or will that make you uncomfortable?”

“Go ahead.” And with that, Keith slipped out of the room, closing it quietly behind him, before tiptoeing down the stairs and slipping into the hallway, keeping an eye on Lance’s mother’s back as she worked in front of the stove. He made it to the guest room, grabbing the little black bag and sticking it in his pocket before sneaking back up the stairs.

He took a deep breath before knocking on the door, then opening it and slipping inside the room. He closed it quietly before turning and looking.

Lance was sitting cross-legged on the bed, chin resting in his palm and his elbow on his knee. Keith couldn’t see his junk from here because of his legs and his shirt, but damn those legs. And Lance looked so happy and excited for what they were going to do.

“What’s in your pocket?”

Right, he had seen. Keith licked his lips out of nerves, pulling the black bag from his pocket and opening the draw string as he approached the bed.

“Allura let me borrow it,” he admitted. “She’s kind of helping me with ideas to try to combat some dysphoria.”

Lance frowned a little. “We don’t have to do anything if you aren’t comfortable, love.”

“I know,” Keith said, because he did. “But I want to try. With you.”

He saw Lance visibly swallow as he sat up straighter.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay, so let’s see what the goddess has bestowed upon you.”

Keith snorted in laughter as he pulled out a small vibrator. He watched as Lance’s eyes widened when he realized what it was.

“I don’t know if we’ll even use it,” Keith spoke up as he handed it to Lance to inspect. It was plain, because Keith was too nervous to use anything else. Smooth and round and oblong, with one button. Allura told him it had three speeds but the second one was usually enough for her, so she never used the hardest one. Keith honestly didn’t know how much it would take for him.

Lance nodded and asked, “Do you want to talk about the dysphoria? Maybe figure out how to combat it?”

Keith explained the same thing he had told Allura, as well as her suggestions, and how he felt about the whole thing.

“I’m just so tired of being controlled by this feeling,” he said after. “I want to enjoy my life, and my body. Earlier, it helped that I had my packer for the visual, and the sensations still came through. Honestly, it probably wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been so horny all day.”

Lance’s brows shot up. “Woah, you- all day?”

“Since we got on the plane,” Keith said. “You kind of have that effect on me a lot recently.”

“What about me? What do you imagine that gets you so hot and bothered?”

Keith blushed.

“It’s not really about specific things. It’s just… Like I just feel like I want you to make me feel good and it’s kind of abstract.”

Lance thought for a while.

“Maybe coming up with some concrete fantasies can help with the dysphoria,” he suggested. “Give you specifics to focus on. When I’m not here to fulfill them, of course.” He smirked. “Because right now, I can do whatever you require of me.”

Keith sat beside him on the bed as he thought.

“Before we do anything, I don’t know why, but this feels important to me.”

“I’m listening.”

“I want you to see my scars.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So once again, I'm a little sleep deprived when I wrote these two chapters (I like to think of them as the chapter that got away, because it was supposed to be one chapter and it also took turns I wasn't expecting lol). Please tell me if something doesn't make sense, or if there are typos and I will do my best to fix them for you.
> 
> Also, blue raspberry is the best Jolly Rancher flavor, I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. :P

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is un-beta'd, so if you see typos, please let me know!


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